I remember why I didn't truly care for the MC before now... not even so much the not eating aspect, but the clarity. Because it's so mental, the mind works overtime to keep you motivated to finish but at the same time, it's open to everything. In 2005 I thought about so much of how things could be different in my life that during those five days I decided to move back to Chicago to be with the majority of my family, but also to try a relationship wid a man I never told how I felt. Because I'm a Capricorn, I'm stubborn by nature though and by the time I got here in 2006, I'd completely changed my mind. Because I'd hurt him already and didn't want him (a Capricorn as well) to shun me. Like we do. lol I also thought about starting my own business, something else I didn't follow through on with a serious mindset. It's like once I returned to the land of the eating, clarity diminished something terrible. Yesterday I had the displeasure of being spoken to like a child, by my boss. For no reason. It irritates me some that I continue to work for people who have their own companies or positions of power and don't know professionalism from a hole in the wall. It's like, are you cereal? Furthermore, she was frustrated not with MY performance, but because she was having a bad day and her administration is confused, unorganized and dropped the ball on something. Whatevs... can't sweat the small stuff... furthermore, that's not what caused my emotional breakdown right before I was so exhausted that I passed out. Literally. Thank goodness my sun was already in bed with me. I didn't even see sleep coming. I didn't have a chance. And slept soundly until he climbed on me saying good morning this a.m.
I woke wid those same discouraging feelings. I need to purge all toxins... not just from my body it seems. I've just noticed a massive increase in emotions while fasting. And I wonder if this is normal. Is it the mental clarity that comes along wid fasting? I spent all last night crying my eyes out over things I cannot change and that's not even my style. I've been through a lot the past 4-5 months and life's changed a lot... I wonder if I haven't really had a minute or desire to think about it until now and all this mind power to stay focused on finishing is getting redirected to that of all these other thoughts my mind locked away? I'm sure no other fasters will be able to relate and I'm just weird.... story of my life. lol
At any rate, SWF done.
No tea last night tho... so this should be interesting.
p.s. my teeth feel funny and I'm friggin freezing.
