Gotta Keep on Keepin On..

My life is hella funny.

The things I care about most seem to never be aligned at the same time, or if they are, for very long.

I dunno why that is... but I can't dwell on it either. You know? Like I can't wallow. I can't beg and plead for it to act right... I can only count on me.

I can't believe it's October. September ran right by. And I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to either.

During that month (my previous post) I touched on how my life was about to experience a lot of change, for the better. I started a new job (which I love) and had a lot of training (that hasn't yet ended) and trips and long days. My sun started school and that was a whole new experience for me. And then you throw in family life and trying to keep a house together... oy. My finances are still QUITE problematic, as I play catch-up and "oh man, I really can't pay that" lol but I am hoping things will turn around sooner than later. But don't get me wrong, it's very nice to have a steady paycheck coming in... starting this Thursday.

Work was a bit frustrating because NONE of my equipment was showing up. I just got an email last week. But still don't have my Blackberry, which will help organize my life.. a LOT. My Outlook calendar will be a busy, fun mess! But I need my stuff. I feel so... incomplete. I hope to be able to stop by the office in the a.m. on my way out to yet more training to pick it up, but we shall see. But I am truly, truly ready to have control again... I just don't know why I can't have it right now. I was doing SO well before my knee blew out. I am determined to get back there with more on my daily schedule. A truly committed person can make it work with a full day or nothing on her calendar at all. I gotta find my game face!

I've gotta stop procrastinating!

Like today, I've sat around all day. Had an emotional argument, break down, followed by complete confidence/dismissive attitude and then did NOTHING for the rest of the day. Didn't get our clothes ironed laid out, no lunches made, and now it's 10:37 CST. WTF..

I have GOT to do betta. Or I am just gonna continue to .... flail.

I need to be packing a lunch, EVERYDAY. This way I won't be eating whatever, in a rush. Granted when out of town or in training this is hard, because the meals are planned for me... but still. Where there is a plan, there is a will to win.

Furthermore, my whole job is based on making my own schedule, filling my own calendar. I am normally very organized... I just need to stop bullshitting... yes. There. I said it.

I know that I can DO it... no matta WHAT my day looks like. I CAN make good choices.. live my life, but in a healthy fashion, following my healthy lifestyle.

My team captain said it best: "I have the choice what I do with my spare 30 minutes. I have the choice what I put in my mouth. I have the choice how I react to stressful situations or emotions that arise. I am in control of my health."

UPDATE BLOG: Are you hurt? Or are you injured?

Hey! I'm still here! :)

"Are you hurt, or are you injured?"
"What's the difference, coach?"
"If you're hurt you can play, if you're injured..."
~ "Coach Winters" in The Program

Well after a few frustrating days of not being able to see my doctor or schedule an appointment, I decided to show up today on a morning I knew she was scheduled to be in a different office to walk-in and see a new primary care physician. He saw me and my knee and even though the "treatment" of it is spanned out over four weeks, I'm happy that the ball is even rolling. Because it definitely wasn't getting better with R.I.C.E.ing.

So he prescribed me some stronger ibuprofen than what I have in the cabinet and scheduled me for an MRI for the first appt I could get (8/25) saying that hopefully the ibuprofen will start to help the swelling before then. There's like a little bubble of ... something... sitting inside the left side of my left kneecap. And then I follow up with him on 9/8 (the soonest we could meet b/c he's goin on vacay for two weeks and since I just kinda deciced to switch to him as my primary care... he was originally gonna have me see my old physician and I declined. Who knows, maybe a lil ibuprofen inflammatory twice a day (I would never think to take that much ibuprofen in a day) might actually help a ton and by the time I see him he'll have even better news for me.) In the meantime, I'll wait. It severely throws off my timetable, but I'm just gonna start getting in about 30 minutes of the elliptical three times a week... not too long, but enough to get something done. And possibly some swimming. (I don't like the upkeep of swimming with all the showering in the gym and swim caps and carrying on lol) and staying as flexible as possible in hopes to keep up my endurance so that when this is all said and done, I can pick up where I left off, repeating week 4 and moving on with my life. Hopefully that won't throw off my training for my 5K too much. It's still 11/1 so hopefully all will be well. I have high hopes.

As of this morning I'm doing best to follow the Fat Smash Detox as of this a.m. I have never been very successful doing this... why, I'm not sure especially when I have managed to Master Cleanse for several days in succession. So this time, especially since now my activity has severely decreased, I need to make sure I follow the eating "rules" to continue to be able to positively contribute to the challenge I'm in on Spark People. So far today, I've had a small something every couple hours. Banana for breakfast, strawberry protein smoothie (with a cup of real strawberries in addition to the strawberry mix) and then two veggie kebabs with zucchini, squash and yellow pepper. Very tasty. I am soaking my red beans to make vegetarian red beans and gonna make a big pot of brown rice for the "heavy" stuff. But keeping it predominantly veggies and fruits and actually gonna really stick to the guidelines of how you're to prepare them: steamed, raw or grilled. Wish me luck.

30 X 30 Challenge
Thanks to Allyn, a Spark buddy, I was motivated to SHED 30 pounds by our 30th bday. She's a Capricorn as well and our 30th bdays are in days of each other. It's ironic because I'd thought to strive for that before, but the impatient girl in me, really wanted to get it done MUCH sooner than that. But that is also how I have done in the past. I put a LOT of pressure on myself to meet these dates when, sensibly, it would be better to give myself more time, even if I don't need it. It's just the fair thing to do. I owe myself that. My birthday present to myself will be MAINTENANCE. lol

Well, actually, I am looking into a February Ski/Super Bowl trip to the Catskills as my belated present. But my real present is maintenance. :)

Good-bye "Good" Parts!
Even in all this madness, I have still managed to lose a nice amount of weight (even tho the doc's scale was like 4 lbs heavier than what my home scale says I am... oyeee... need a new scale, man) and I want to keep these results.

I really, truly... truly miss C25K. I had no idea I could enjoy running so much. It's very empowering. And I hope I can get back to it a lot sooner than later.

A little while ago, I wrote a blog about losing the "good parts" . I am proud to announce that those good parts are slimming on down. My tight skinny jeans... not so tight anymore. I am seeing the results of my work and it makes me feel so great.

I caught a glance at myself in the full-body mirror and while I AM trimming down the "good parts" I'm also toning them up and lifting thangs splendidly... and guess what? The man notice anyhow.

As I told BUTTA... the men are taking notice not only because our BODIES are changing but WE are changing. Our self-esteem grows with every workout we finish, every inch we lose and every muscle we gain. Yay for us.

In the meantime...
I finally bought my poster board. I am about to use my "down" time as a breather to get my collage done... I am excited about the project and can't wait to post pics.

Keep moving...

A Dieter's Prayer

Found this on a Spark buddies page... just awesome. lol

A DIETER'S PRAYER

Lord, won't you help me?
It's that time of year.
Winter has come and gone.
Springtime is here.
In this season of flesh,
Won't you show that you care?
Lord, won't you heed
This dieter's prayer.

Teach me tonight
To love cottage cheese,
Grapefruit and celery,
Lord, if you please.
Make me believe
That tofu's a food,
And not something you made up
When you were in a bad mood.

Lord, won't you help me?
Show that you care.
Lord, won't you heed
This dieter's prayer.
Make me believe
That ice cream's just awful,
That the devil is hiding
Inside every waffle.
That mayonnaise is nothing
But a communist plot.
That broccoli is good for you
And chocolate is not.

Keep me away
From the refrigerator door
When life is a trial
And love is a bore.
Save me from nachos,
And tacos and chips,
For what goes in my mouth
Always lands on my hips.
Oh, pizza, oh pasta,
Oh, popcorn, oh, pork!
Get thee behind me
Oh, knife and oh, fork.
And chicken fried steak
From the deepest of south...
Oh, Lord, if you love me,
Won't you please shut my mouth?

Oh, Lord, do you hear me?
Honk if you're there.
Lord, won't you heed...
You know my need...
Oh, Lord, won't you heed
This dieter's prayer?

So how bout we all just DO IT... don't DIET!

Weekly Reflection... Percentages... Injured Randomness...

So with weigh-in upon me... this day has been an energetic ride uphill... hard. I've been reflecting since I woke up from my late nap (6 p.m.) My food tracking has been kinda shady and sporadic the last couple days. And I got on the scale and saw a number I didn't appreciate despite seeing a number I appreciated yesterday. Now, because I know it's not always good to weigh yourself everyday, and ESPECIALLY not different times everyday, I wasn't trippin too much on the numbers/difference but it DID make me wonder about how truly committed to this I am. With a sore knee pickin at me since Tuesday, I've wondered about everything about it from it being a simple sprain that will fade with time to an injury that will be with me for the rest of my life. I immediately (in my world) was angry with myself because well, our knees suffer from the pressure of our body weight more than any other joint. And here I am 30 lbs heavier than I should be. Of course my poor knee is gonna whine. *sigh* Then I thought about my poor tracking.. knowing how important it is to journal food... how could I let this fall by the wayside? I want to be in MAINTENANCE MODE by the winter... how in the heck can I get there if I am not committed EVERYDAY?

So I started thinking, what percentage am I giving?

Anyone can log a thousand fitness minutes a week but if that person is still eating trash... the results will be less than stellar.

Likewise, if one is eating clean without any activity, you'll see the difference but muscle tone and strength and overall health are lessened...

These two are interchangeable... and once I really realize that, perhaps that is when I will really start to morph and see that. I have to learn to balance life, love and all that's in between for myself... to get to 100% committed. Nothing less than that will do. With that said, I've decided to start sharing my food trackers. Not that anyone will really read them, but knowing that someone might... perhaps that'll keep me accountable.

Blah... It seems I'm in a mood.

Blame the "injury"... reflections eternal.

So Amazing

I am feeling so good...

Better than I have in a long time... this is it, friends! It feels great to be here again... I won't lose it ever again. You can believe that...

LET'S DO IT!

H2TC! I SEE YOU!!!!!