H-A-Double U-A-Eye-Eye!

"Ma$e can you please stop smokin La La? Puff why try, I'ma thug I'ma die high!"

Exactly 3 months till the honey and I venture to the islands of Hawaii for his 30th Bday and my MISSION is to be 20 lbs lighter. I often frown on deadline-oriented goals. Because even though they are effective, they can be damaging because people put back on the pounds directly after they are done traveling, with the engagement, ceremony or whatever special occasion it is. (I will NOT be one of those people.... no, but forreal. If anything this trip is just what I needed to get serious.)

The Y had a special on summer memberships again, so I got in on that. $25 a month for the family and I to use any Y in the Metro Chicago area. I will be focusing on 10,000 steps a day, a morning workout via Chalene Extreme (starting Sunday morning), lunchtime workouts that started this week, evening strolls with my Soror and our youth on Mondays and Wednesdays (resuming next week, the weather has sucked this week - Midwest-like "tornado" yesterday and all) and a couple evening workouts at my neighborhood Y on lighter days. In all 6 days of working out, but one is more Tai Chi/Yoga/Stretch related so it's really a "rest day" too. I wrote it all out yesterday. In addition, I will still be following the good health guidelines of WW.. no fad diets for me. I will also be participating in a couple Mommy and Me classes they offer with my sun. Gymnstics and Kiddie Groove to name a couple!

All that being said, my MISSION is 20 lbs but I will be more than satisfied with 12-16 (you know weight loss is a strange beast) but I'm confident 20 won't be too far a stretch. In addition, in Hawaii, I WILL be 1. wearing bikinis (I've already started to look for them because this will make sure I don't overeat; can't be walking round Hawaii with a big ol gut!) 2. doing activities that don't just involve lying on the beach (I've already purchased a hiking excursion, debating on another because it takes a great part of one day away from us... but it has waterfalls!) and 3. using the fitness center. Plus 4. enjoying in-room activities.

Super excited. I've never been to Hawaii before... and I hear it's expensive, but well worth the visit. We'll both be 30, it's time to start living life and enjoying all its blessings. Right, bra? (a lil Hawaii slang... just cuz!)

The storm is over now... let some sunshine in.

Fit Life

Today is the first day of the rest of my Fit Life.

I've been doing extremely well on staying active. I've been taking the stairs at my job versus the elevator since I only work on two. I work in a corporate complex so I often have to park pretty far, and even when I don't I do. I have to walk between two buildings in my campus. I just bought a new pedometer to be able to keep track of how many steps I'm getting in. I'm thinking it should be pretty damn close to 10,000. But we shall see, you know how that goes: think you're walkin a million, really walkin 3,000. lol

I'm about to go weigh in, after missing last week. I am not going to miss ANY more weigh-ins. I've given myself a Sept 21 deadline to get the last of my weight OFF of me. That's the mister's 30th birthday. He's still very focused on his healthy living as well. I'm suprising him with a VERY cool present(s) if I do say so myself and we will both need to be fabulous for it. I would tell you guys but I'm 85% sure he reads this blog from time to time... probably more than I write on it for sure lol.

Anywho, today is the day... no more ruts, no more stoppages. I cleaned my house spic 'n span last week and my mindset is so much better. I've still been holdin on to my loss but now my focus, I feel, is also there. Let's continue to do this!

Take (Self) Care

(Editor's Note: I'm coming off two weeks of very little/sporadic rest, strep throat, a missed budget, and lots of work...)

So yesterday I walked past my mirror and caught a glimpse of myself... I was not pleased. Not only did my skin look blah and drab, but my hair looked dry and I looked fat (yet happy -- like literally, I was walking past singing a song very loudly and with a smile on my face, saw myself and my smile faded)... life has been really good as of late, yet my body shows a different story. So, I took a vow (didn't I already DO that??) to do better.

Money can be soooo tight sometimes, I often forget to take care of myself. After that mirror glimpse it dawned on me that in recent months, I stopped getting my regular mani/pedis, I'd went several more weeks than my normal four for retwisting my roots, I hadn't gotten my eyebrow maintenance, I'd put on a few pounds, I wasn't drinking much water, I hadn't washed my truck in Jehovah knows how long.... *sigh*

All very interesting seeing as how, I'm -- well I was -- the girl who wouldn't go so much as to the grocery store without making sure I was on the top of my game... maybe not stilettos and booty jeans for a store run but definitely cognisant of looking good and feeling my best. I haven't done that lately. Today, my sweetheart treated my car to a carwash. He called me and asked me to meet him there where he was getting his car done and grateful to not have it looking a mess, I immediately went. Throwing on an old pair of Adidas to top off my black lounge pants, I wrapped myself in muh black bubble Eddie Bauer and tied up my scarf... and headed out.

I got there and after we'd both finally got in, I went to sit next to him. In walks the chick that used to be me, dressed to impress even if only to go to the car wash. And I started to think.... what the HECK has happened to me?? I can't even blame it on being a mommy, cause as we all should by know, I've always deemed myself MILF status ever since I was good and pregnant.... but I've allowed my weight to literally control my mood. I'm not imaginative with my work wardrobe anymore... just kinda go with the flow. Since I'm on my feet all day, I avoid wearing heels often... I gave lots and lots of my shoes away to charity because I was originally to buy a bus load more... never happened... so, I went to buy some clothes for myself to give myself a boost in the right direction today... nothing huge, just a bit of retail therapy for my mood that matches my skin.

Ladies, have you been there before? In that spot where you just don't feel like yourself? How did you fix the problem? Or was it just an issue for the moment? I mean, really, sometimes I'm so bored and want to go out, but don't feel I look right in ANYTHING I put on. I used to know I was the hottest thing on my King's arm, lately I wonder if I don't get invited to something is it because he thinks I look drab too. lol... I laugh cause I'm serious.

I recently wrote a blog about us (ladies) not losing sight of ourselves in order to do our part to keep The Black Family strong and the excitement in our relationships.

In gist, I'm not feeling my normal overly confident self and I hate it... and I know it's something serious because I'm not even bleeding and I feel this way... for my guy readers, that means it's not the PMS talking. So consider this my two weeks notice. I'm going to start looking how I feel (which is really a whole other story in itself, does that mean when I was looking my very best I was secretly masking being unhappy?? Lawd... so many unanswered questions!) and taking charge of myself in the best of times and the worst of times...

Brings me back to the discussion (can't find the link) about how I am most motivated to lose weight and stay in shape when I am single and looking... ridiculous. I'm not announcing it to the world or anything, but I've got to get it together... I'm on it. No, seriously. It's time to be a little bit selfish.... cause how can I be the best mom and woman if I don't take care of myself first? I'm pretty dope at both now, so just imagine if I looked and felt I looked my best. I'm just adding some perspective... for myself.

Sometimes it's useful to be a little selfish and introspective otherwise you may just find yourself living someone else's life, achieving someone else's dreams or driving down a road with no destination or end game. ~ The Ripple Effect (Blog)

Photo Sources: http://www.wellspouse.org
http://rainbow120.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/self-esteem-training.jpg

This Stops... Right NOW!

My thoughts today were like my bloated tummy... bulging out my head like my muffin top was over my loser jeans. And then it went from thoughts of bloat to laze, then laze to loser... Well, dammit, as of now, I lose no more.


As I am changing my life and diet and health (yay) I have come to terms with my "issues."

The number one issue: my tummy.

In high school I had a "glimpse of a four pack." I was a dual athlete and still didn't have a six-pack of perfect abs. So now as a near-30-year-old mom, I have pretty much set my sights on never... ever... having the stomach I really, really want. BUT, that doesn't mean I'm not gonna try. But what I am noticing is, my stomach is a lot kinder when I eat the right foods. For about five days I lived with a flat tummy... I had one bad day yesterday scarfing down cakes and popcorn and carbo loading and the bloat is back... could there be something to eating right that might get me THE tummy I want? (Whoooaaaa there ya go, Einstein!)

I saw on The View this morning that when you have a baby your stomach muscles tear something like 20% during and after childbirth. And the chances of getting your tummy back up to par are very slim AND that if you really want that to happen the sooner you start your post-partum exercises, the better.... ummmmm well, my sun is 2. lol Sooooo that pretty much is a big ol kick in the jaw for your girl. I am LATE. lol AND I haven't been on my best behavior for two years either, so this is really, really bad news. Ha!

At annny rate... I'm still going to give it an old-fashioned try. I felt like a complete and utter loser after munching on all that stuff yesterday. Even sadder? I KNEW I would. Seriously. I kid you not, on IM with my homegirl while baking the cake I said, and I quote: I know I'm gonna feel like sh*t afterwards... but I'm gonna eat it anyway.

Really hormones? Is this the score? Self sabotage is a BIA! I mean... truly. How could I just not.care? Then today it all made sense. This is what I have always done... not.care. Well, I'm done not caring... ESPECIALLY about myself. I'm done putting myself behind everything and everybody. I'm taking a mini-vacation the second weekend of September. I'm gonna go to Wisconsin for Fit Fest and earn some CECs by participating in some fun, healthy activity. I'm gonna research some walking trails while there and just spend some time doing for ME. In nature, with like-minded people and the goal is to be even smaller (5 lbs less, a couple inches here and there).

I told my Hot 2 Trot Cutie teammates today that I want my house in the shape it's SUPPOSED to be in by Sept. 1. And I will get it there. All the updates done, floors cleaned and waxed, shelving up, closet finished. I'm starting this fall with a clear mind, top-shape home and a new me... when smaller aspects in your life are in order, the rest flows better.

As apart of The Biggest Loser Challenge (8-weeks) that ended today I lost 9 lbs! 25 more and I'm at the middle of my goal range... the time is now. No more dumb-ass binges... no more sabotage... no more silliness. It's time... time for me to start becoming the best me. I am not perfect nor will I ever be, but I'm tired of causing the issues. Causing the trouble. Tired of bloating... tired of moping... tired of not living to my potential. I've been holding my own self back.

This laziness has got to go. Don't we deserve to be our BEST?

Let's start putting self ... first. Because when we're happy, everything else will fall into place and we can be who we need to be for the ones we love, the jobs we frequent, best contributors to our places of worship... guaranteed! We're so brainwashed into thinking we can't do something... we don't. Let's STOP thinking like this. Stop defeating ourselves before we even try. I CAN have a great stomach. I can take charge of my healthy life. I know I will. Will you?

So Amazing

I am feeling so good...

Better than I have in a long time... this is it, friends! It feels great to be here again... I won't lose it ever again. You can believe that...

LET'S DO IT!

H2TC! I SEE YOU!!!!!

Just Bumpin My Music!

I adore my new iPod.

It was the best gift a man, co-parent and friend could give me for being a great mother, friend, lover of his seed for Mother's Day. It enhances my workouts and, if I do say so myself, my music choices rock. I heart my play list "Working it OFF in 2009." It's funny cause I add the songs I want there, but every time I work out I shuffle the music so it surprises me... and that it does.

My workout went off without a hitch with "Gadget Flow" by Lupe Fiasco... an upbeat hip hop track about being from "a city in the Midwest, best city in the whole wide-wide world, hey!" Just as I was finished with my first three-minute run interval, feeling good about it, Mavis Staples told me, "let's do it again!"

In the middle of my third set of my squats/lunges regimen, Teedra Moses kept my mind on my booty by reminding me that "it's something in yo backstroke, that keeps me into youuuu..."

Then when I thought to pass on the 30-mins of elliptical, Eightball & MJG told me I "don't want DRAMAAA!" So I got on that bad boy and made it "do what it's sposeta do" (Ice Cube).

Then when I was done stretching and headed out the door feeling good about myself, locs all sweated out like a championship round of sex, Kem told me to let my love (of working out) set me free... "let it set you freee..." and I did.

ahhhhhhh *sigh of complacency*

It was so nice....... but ummmmmm, yeah, that was Monday... TODAY'S workout kicked my ass! lol

But I'll be back out there tomorrow... thank you and a big "muah!" to my iPod for keeping me engulfed no matter my workout mood. Cause even in the midst of a torturous one today, Kanye let me know that I'm still "so amazing!"

Relax and Take Note...

With everything finally starting to get moving in the health and wellness category of my life, but some bumps in the road poppin up, I thought now would be a good time to regroup and reanalyze my workout and how I am going to conquer the next 25-30 pounds without hurting anything or inefficiently.

Mo Runnin, Mo Problems
So, I started to get a bit discouraged with my run routine because of the shin splint recurrence. I haven't quit the C25K training, but I haven't been on the treadmill since Wednesday morning. I felt like I needed to slow down. My competitive nature had me wanting to attack each week like GRR! but the fact remains that I DO have shin splints and I DO have the wrong shoes and I do not have time for an injury that leaves me incapacitated. SO I have to slow down. In two ways. Firstly, I have to slow down my speed (I'm currently running at 4.8-5.0 and walking at 2.8-3.0). Secondly, I have to master a week first before moving on to the next. It's called condition training. Athletes do it all the time. I have to condition my body and that shin splint to the work I am putting in, before I can ask it to do more than that... or I am setting myself up for painful failure. So, on week three I will stay until I feel more comfortable to move on. In fact, I may stay on week 3 until I get the new shoes I absolutely need. Then try to move on to week four run intervals in the proper shoes and try those out on my shin splint since Fleet Feet has a 21-day return policy.

Beefing up Le Cardio
So I had been running and not much else for cardio with an occasional Turbo Jam here and there. I've decided, I really have to ramp up my activity on the cardio side for now and focus on more strength training after I break the 160 barrier. At 155 in 2006, I was still a little flabby in the back area. So at 160 I will start beefing up my strength training, but for now, I am going to take that down a notch, because strength training makes me hungrier because of the calories I'm burning, but I don't actually know what my caloric intake should be on those days and I feel I am still to early in the weight loss process to try and gamble. I want calorie restriction, muscle conditioning and THEN I'll work on getting stronger. For now, I just need to keep my muscles present (don't wanna lose em or weaken them with so much cardio and NO strength training) with endurance lifting. So I will do my C25K three times a week (75 minutes) and elliptical (150 minutes) and Turbo Jam 2 times a week (100 minutes) for a total of 325 minutes a week. Turbo Sculpt for strength, Thin Thighs for lower body for FOUR weeks.. and then reevaluate on Monday August 17...

Chocolate City Dreamin
My goal is to break the 160 barrier before exiting the month of July (three pounds in two weeks). But also I am trying to lose about 5 more to be at 165 by the time I tentatively travel to DC for some work I am negotiating and trying to line up. I will run into some old faces from my 150-lb days, so it's mighty important to stick to the plan so I don't arrive too much over weight. lol

Serenity is nigh
So, I have found the final piece (chaise lounge loveseat) to add to my Serenity Room. A room I am creating in the upper level of my home where I can pray, meditate, watch girly movies, have a cocktail, sing... well, you get the point. Somewhere where the boys aren't allowed, unless I say so. Think of it as my Claire Room from the Cosby Show! I will definitely post some before and after pics of the small renovation. Also, the measurements have been taken for the closet. The upstairs is gonna be niiiii. I pick up the chaise toma. :-)

Back to the grill again in the a.m. I enjoyed my rest days and am excited to get that cardio counter UP.

Entering Year Two of Locdome

I am so excited to be completing my first year of Locdome till death do us part... I think back to 2002 when I first went natural for the second and last time. I was always admiring locs but never had the determination or commitment to get them... plus I looooved my loose hair. Adored it even. I loved my afro puff, and chunky twistouts... over the years I'd even learned to love my hair in twists, boxbaids and the occasional extension hairstyle or cornrowed style. It was so much fun... and I would find myself saying, "locs aren't versatile enough for me... I could never get them cause then what can you do with them?" The answer is: a lot! Granted my babies are just starting to get that "drape" affect, but I am already seeing the flexibility. It helps that my locs have plumped up to be a really good size from my little comb coils I first began with. And it's nice to feel my hair moving and blowing in the wind. I never experienced that when I was fried out (relaxed). My hair would get to a certain length and stop. I've already surpassed it with my natural, healthy, God-given mane. And I look forward to all the up do's and pin-ups and curly loc styles I can stand. I still haven't yet decided how long I will let them get, or when I will color again... but trust me that the possibilities are endless. Do we have our days where they are rude and unruly? Sure... I mean, look whose head they're on! :)

But I can truly say that I have enjoyed every minute of it. And my hair is a true representation of who I am.. natural, wild, easily tamed, and beautiful. I went to the My Black Is Beautiful tour yesterday. And despite being a little poorly organized it was great just to be around like-minded sisters who care about our health, hair, skin and love... I saw locs to die and envy for and got so excited about the journey to come. It's been fun to learn new things about my hair and how to care for it that I didn't do well when I was a loose-hair nappy.

I mean, I maintain my own locs! That is huge for me ya'll... the little tomboy who still doesn't know how to cornrow... the girl who had to practice just to learn how to two-strand twist her hair! Craazy. So it's a thrill to be here for me. And now that cowrie shells and tams and headbands and ponytails are starting to take flight... whew... I'm just excited. Happy to have a head of healthy, NATURAL, hair. Growing as it should be without unhealthy manipulation or assimilation to how they think my hair should look. I cherish you today, hair. And everyday.

This follows along with this blog because we all need to be healthy from the inside out. And this includes our hair. If our hair is healthy, that is sayin a lot about the inside, what we're feeding ourselves, and how it's coming out of us via hair follicles and our skin. Even though, my skin has been going through a thang lately, but I digress.

At any rate, about to get out and go for my five-mile walk and then I have to put in some work later for a new contract I picked up for June. Yay... forward!

60% Mental 40% Physical.

So, I found and accepted a different job (part time) during my maternity leave and told my previous employer to kick rocks. And I am settling into my fourth week of work of the new gig. I like it. I'm a marketing/office manager for a much smaller company and it's working out very well.

Speaking of working out... I have not been. After like my first week of work, I went to pick out (i.e., shop for) a few choice items at a couple of my favorite stores and they were four dress sizes larger than what I was last year this time. :-/ Needless to say, I didn't buy everything I wanted... my pride wouldn't let me.

I originally wanted to be 14 pounds lighter by next week, seven weeks ago. This really isn't going to happen. Since this is absolutely not going to happen (I've actually gained some weight since I let the cookie fetish WIN once I got back to work and cooking daily starting to dwindle) I've got to start anew... really getting on my game.

Not only do I need to get on the ball with my certifications, but also I simply must just GET in gear. And I have finally admitted to myself that I need help... accountability. SO, Friday, I got up at my normal time and went to a WW meeting before I went in to work. Yep, I signed up again. This time it was for the monthly pass that includes FREE eTools (that makes me happy, I loved eTools but not enough to pay $12 a month or whatever it was for it). As usual, it's taken me a few days to get into the swing of things.

But today, I finally got my water intake and I took a vitamin after forgetting to do so for two days in a row. I also, after not being able to crawl out of bed this morning because RJ was irritable and wouldn't let me go very far, worked out to my step DVD. Erm, for 17 minutes. *sigh* The DVD was 30 minutes long. I felt flushed and hot and my thighs were stinging in 17 minutes. Finally RJ started whining in his bouncer chair and I used it as an excuse to stop. I probably could have finished, but man, it was a mess.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like a complete novice loser -- NOT that people who just get on the ball are losers. That is totally NOT what I meant but for ME, I am in a slump. Any who, this feeling is something I hadn't felt since I first decided to get back on the ball and take charge of my health/weight in Summer 2003. The first time I remembered I used to be a dual athlete in high school and tip-top shape. The first time (since that one time in college) that I went to a floor aerobics class and was sweating like a faucet. It left me breathing like my lungs were on fire.

I feel it in my body when I walk around the house. Things jiggling cause they have lost their muscle tone and it kind of depresses me. I know I have a beautiful excuse, who lays next to me sleeping as I type... but it's still a little hump to get over. But today, I no longer live in the dark. I accept the fact that while I am still fabulous, there is work to do. No more pretending it's not happening. I have to take control before it gets outta whack. I have to start being accountable for my actions. Weight Watchers helps me do that. They WATCH me. I have however, decided that I am going to get a note from Sandy (my nurse gyno) saying what weight is a healthy for me. While Weight Watchers wants me to be 135, I think that's a bit too small for me. So my LM goal will be 145. As of my weigh in Friday, that's 33.6 pounds AKA the weight I was a mere last summer. It's so amazing how fast it can come back without paying attention.

This blog is my first step at not only being more accountable for myself, but also as a great marketing tool (of some sort) for my fitness business. I will be on the scale once a week. The OFFICIAL scale... watching it decrease and resuming the life I once loved but with an adorable addition -- my family.