Take (Self) Care

(Editor's Note: I'm coming off two weeks of very little/sporadic rest, strep throat, a missed budget, and lots of work...)

So yesterday I walked past my mirror and caught a glimpse of myself... I was not pleased. Not only did my skin look blah and drab, but my hair looked dry and I looked fat (yet happy -- like literally, I was walking past singing a song very loudly and with a smile on my face, saw myself and my smile faded)... life has been really good as of late, yet my body shows a different story. So, I took a vow (didn't I already DO that??) to do better.

Money can be soooo tight sometimes, I often forget to take care of myself. After that mirror glimpse it dawned on me that in recent months, I stopped getting my regular mani/pedis, I'd went several more weeks than my normal four for retwisting my roots, I hadn't gotten my eyebrow maintenance, I'd put on a few pounds, I wasn't drinking much water, I hadn't washed my truck in Jehovah knows how long.... *sigh*

All very interesting seeing as how, I'm -- well I was -- the girl who wouldn't go so much as to the grocery store without making sure I was on the top of my game... maybe not stilettos and booty jeans for a store run but definitely cognisant of looking good and feeling my best. I haven't done that lately. Today, my sweetheart treated my car to a carwash. He called me and asked me to meet him there where he was getting his car done and grateful to not have it looking a mess, I immediately went. Throwing on an old pair of Adidas to top off my black lounge pants, I wrapped myself in muh black bubble Eddie Bauer and tied up my scarf... and headed out.

I got there and after we'd both finally got in, I went to sit next to him. In walks the chick that used to be me, dressed to impress even if only to go to the car wash. And I started to think.... what the HECK has happened to me?? I can't even blame it on being a mommy, cause as we all should by know, I've always deemed myself MILF status ever since I was good and pregnant.... but I've allowed my weight to literally control my mood. I'm not imaginative with my work wardrobe anymore... just kinda go with the flow. Since I'm on my feet all day, I avoid wearing heels often... I gave lots and lots of my shoes away to charity because I was originally to buy a bus load more... never happened... so, I went to buy some clothes for myself to give myself a boost in the right direction today... nothing huge, just a bit of retail therapy for my mood that matches my skin.

Ladies, have you been there before? In that spot where you just don't feel like yourself? How did you fix the problem? Or was it just an issue for the moment? I mean, really, sometimes I'm so bored and want to go out, but don't feel I look right in ANYTHING I put on. I used to know I was the hottest thing on my King's arm, lately I wonder if I don't get invited to something is it because he thinks I look drab too. lol... I laugh cause I'm serious.

I recently wrote a blog about us (ladies) not losing sight of ourselves in order to do our part to keep The Black Family strong and the excitement in our relationships.

In gist, I'm not feeling my normal overly confident self and I hate it... and I know it's something serious because I'm not even bleeding and I feel this way... for my guy readers, that means it's not the PMS talking. So consider this my two weeks notice. I'm going to start looking how I feel (which is really a whole other story in itself, does that mean when I was looking my very best I was secretly masking being unhappy?? Lawd... so many unanswered questions!) and taking charge of myself in the best of times and the worst of times...

Brings me back to the discussion (can't find the link) about how I am most motivated to lose weight and stay in shape when I am single and looking... ridiculous. I'm not announcing it to the world or anything, but I've got to get it together... I'm on it. No, seriously. It's time to be a little bit selfish.... cause how can I be the best mom and woman if I don't take care of myself first? I'm pretty dope at both now, so just imagine if I looked and felt I looked my best. I'm just adding some perspective... for myself.

Sometimes it's useful to be a little selfish and introspective otherwise you may just find yourself living someone else's life, achieving someone else's dreams or driving down a road with no destination or end game. ~ The Ripple Effect (Blog)

Photo Sources: http://www.wellspouse.org
http://rainbow120.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/self-esteem-training.jpg

Just Bumpin My Music!

I adore my new iPod.

It was the best gift a man, co-parent and friend could give me for being a great mother, friend, lover of his seed for Mother's Day. It enhances my workouts and, if I do say so myself, my music choices rock. I heart my play list "Working it OFF in 2009." It's funny cause I add the songs I want there, but every time I work out I shuffle the music so it surprises me... and that it does.

My workout went off without a hitch with "Gadget Flow" by Lupe Fiasco... an upbeat hip hop track about being from "a city in the Midwest, best city in the whole wide-wide world, hey!" Just as I was finished with my first three-minute run interval, feeling good about it, Mavis Staples told me, "let's do it again!"

In the middle of my third set of my squats/lunges regimen, Teedra Moses kept my mind on my booty by reminding me that "it's something in yo backstroke, that keeps me into youuuu..."

Then when I thought to pass on the 30-mins of elliptical, Eightball & MJG told me I "don't want DRAMAAA!" So I got on that bad boy and made it "do what it's sposeta do" (Ice Cube).

Then when I was done stretching and headed out the door feeling good about myself, locs all sweated out like a championship round of sex, Kem told me to let my love (of working out) set me free... "let it set you freee..." and I did.

ahhhhhhh *sigh of complacency*

It was so nice....... but ummmmmm, yeah, that was Monday... TODAY'S workout kicked my ass! lol

But I'll be back out there tomorrow... thank you and a big "muah!" to my iPod for keeping me engulfed no matter my workout mood. Cause even in the midst of a torturous one today, Kanye let me know that I'm still "so amazing!"

Entering Year Two of Locdome

I am so excited to be completing my first year of Locdome till death do us part... I think back to 2002 when I first went natural for the second and last time. I was always admiring locs but never had the determination or commitment to get them... plus I looooved my loose hair. Adored it even. I loved my afro puff, and chunky twistouts... over the years I'd even learned to love my hair in twists, boxbaids and the occasional extension hairstyle or cornrowed style. It was so much fun... and I would find myself saying, "locs aren't versatile enough for me... I could never get them cause then what can you do with them?" The answer is: a lot! Granted my babies are just starting to get that "drape" affect, but I am already seeing the flexibility. It helps that my locs have plumped up to be a really good size from my little comb coils I first began with. And it's nice to feel my hair moving and blowing in the wind. I never experienced that when I was fried out (relaxed). My hair would get to a certain length and stop. I've already surpassed it with my natural, healthy, God-given mane. And I look forward to all the up do's and pin-ups and curly loc styles I can stand. I still haven't yet decided how long I will let them get, or when I will color again... but trust me that the possibilities are endless. Do we have our days where they are rude and unruly? Sure... I mean, look whose head they're on! :)

But I can truly say that I have enjoyed every minute of it. And my hair is a true representation of who I am.. natural, wild, easily tamed, and beautiful. I went to the My Black Is Beautiful tour yesterday. And despite being a little poorly organized it was great just to be around like-minded sisters who care about our health, hair, skin and love... I saw locs to die and envy for and got so excited about the journey to come. It's been fun to learn new things about my hair and how to care for it that I didn't do well when I was a loose-hair nappy.

I mean, I maintain my own locs! That is huge for me ya'll... the little tomboy who still doesn't know how to cornrow... the girl who had to practice just to learn how to two-strand twist her hair! Craazy. So it's a thrill to be here for me. And now that cowrie shells and tams and headbands and ponytails are starting to take flight... whew... I'm just excited. Happy to have a head of healthy, NATURAL, hair. Growing as it should be without unhealthy manipulation or assimilation to how they think my hair should look. I cherish you today, hair. And everyday.

This follows along with this blog because we all need to be healthy from the inside out. And this includes our hair. If our hair is healthy, that is sayin a lot about the inside, what we're feeding ourselves, and how it's coming out of us via hair follicles and our skin. Even though, my skin has been going through a thang lately, but I digress.

At any rate, about to get out and go for my five-mile walk and then I have to put in some work later for a new contract I picked up for June. Yay... forward!

So, I am in love with my hair. Who knew it would take a hairdo to really cement what I had been telling people for four years!?

The picture on the right is my hair close-up. Are you my hair twin? My texture can be a bia, but I love it the same. The pic is at 2.5 weeks. I love how the tips of my braids have coiled into each other. I will post a pic of them the first day I got them done and you can see how the ends were puffy. The pic on the left is my hair today at officially three weeks. I must say my hair still looks great to me. I was originally going to keep these in for 6 weeks, but as I look at my braids, I am not quite sure that will work. While Trina would be ecstatic, I am not quite ready to loc my hair. Don't know if I will ever be seeing as how with this PSC (protective style challenge) through spring I am too geeked to see my BAA (big ass afro) come summer. :)

At any rate, in other updates the mister seems to be finally on board with getting in shape as well. Not that he really needs it, since ya'll know they could eat a whole cow and not gain nearly as much as we do, but I digress. We went to do some running this past weekend and stopped to get some workout equipment and some vitamins for us. I picked up some GNC Healthy Skin, Hair and Nail vitamins. They contain Biotin (which I have read on more than one occasion is good for healthy growth of all three). After following up with my midwife (yes, I still use my midwife as my PCP for gynecological services so what!) making sure it was safe for me to take while nursing, I started taking them today in addition to my daily vitamin.

My hair and skin are doing pretty well as is right now, I drink a LOT of water daily and I think that in addition to the exercise and fresh produce is playing a strong role. But the vitamin couldn't hurt right? In addition, I am soaking off my gel overlay over my natural nail and seeing what the vitamin can do for those. I will have them cut down some b/c after removing the gel the nail bed is left weak and I am on a computer about 10 hours out of a day -- at least. Not that I ever left much, but I am returning to the true au natural state that is me. I loooove having longer nails, they make my hands look so much more feminine but I don't want to be dependent on the gel and it will cut down on my monthly costs considerably getting manicures instead of fill-ins with my pedicure. :)

As you can see, my ticker says I am down 6.6 pounds as of Friday's weigh in. Loves that. And I am 10 pounds shy of hitting my 10% goal of weight loss. It's all quite exciting. I am resuming Turbo Jam this week. Again shooting for 5 straight days of activity. Yesterday, I did Ab Jam and 20-Minute. A nice start to the week after some days off over the weekend.

My goal in the next two-to-three weeks is to BUTTON my fave jean. They currently slide up, but buttoning not so much. lol

OK, a longer than normal post as an update. I'm gonna try to do better at updating this thing everyday -- like a REAL journal of sorts.